To Live and (Almost) Die in L.A.

Living in LA can be tough, especially if you’re trying to make it in the entertainment industry.

There are the shitty agents, the constant struggle trying to book work, and an unending stream of auditions that never seem to turn into call backs. There’s feeling like you are never NOT stuck in traffic or being forced to move to a shitty studio apartment in the Valley (gross) to try and make ends meet. And of course, there’s the whole “not-being-able-to-find-a-decent-bagel” thing (ok, this one might be more an issue just for me). All of this and more can leave you feeling pretty fucking shitty.

However, considering Northstar rapper and Wu-Tang Clan affiliate Andre Johnson decided to try and end it all by jumping off a second story balcony in North Hollywood after cutting off his own Johnson, we’re going to assume he found LA particularly difficult.

Andre (aka Christ Bearer), was discovered earlier last Wednesday morning by his neighbors, seriously injured and screaming incoherently on the sidewalk outside his apartment sans penis. He was rushed to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and sadly, like a modern-day Humpty Dumpty, doctors were unable to put him back together again.  (So don’t hold out for an interracial retelling of the porn classic, John Wayne Bobbitt’s Frankenpenis)

Of course, jumping from a second story window in order to off yourself is sort of like trying to commit suicide using a water gun so who knows, he might have a few other issues…

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